Tuesday, March 16, 2010

10 Year Anniversary of Jackie's Death

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years since Jackie died on March 4, 2000. It was Thursday, a day like any other day ... maybe NOT. I couldn't sleep the night before. I kept thinking of my baby and how much I missed her. Why was 10 years harder than 5 years or 9 years? I don't know. It just seemed so final!

I was on the road leading a NEXT Coaching Network in Minneapolis. I got up Thursday morning and remembered that March 4, 2010, was the exact day 10 years earlier that Jackie had passed away in my arms. It was a peaceful passing but the finality of her being gone was more that I could handle.

I called Carrie who had gone to work but after getting to work broke down in tears. Her friends at work asked, "What are you doing here?" They told her to go home. They knew it was the 10th anniversary of Jackie's death. I called Carrie that morning from Minneapolis and she was walking on the pier in Santa Barbara. I asked how she was doing and she said, "Not good." I asked if she was going to jump off the pier and she said, "No, it's not that bad!" But she was hurting big time and so was I. I wished I could hug her and hold her but we were 1500 miles apart. We both agreed that next year we won't be apart on her death day.

I shared with my Coaching Network of 12 guys the significance of this particular day. They graciously prayed for me and Carrie and our family. Joshua wrote a song that he digitally recorded in Jackie's honor. Jessica ended up staying home from school. Sometimes you get ambushed by your emotions and there was something about the finality of living life 10 years without Jackie that just blindsided us all.

Still grieving but healing,